There really is nothing funnier than laughter!
Generally, if I tell a story, I will embellish a little on the finer details, to add a little comedy. ( I am told this is a 'hyperbole') . But there really is nothing funnier than telling a story, and realising you don't need to exagerate on the details, because the story itself is funny, even if by accident.
Tonight I went to a dinner party with a friend I havn't seen for a while... and also the Artist I manage. ( though.. I like to refer to him as my client... (again hyperbole!) so that it sounds more official) I havn't caught up with him for some time, due to a lack of time recently... and when telling him of my recent antics.. I realised just how pathetic I really am!!
Before he started dating his girlfriend, we used to be good mates and hang out alot. Tonight he reminded me how the last time we actually hung out I was saying how I dislike people... and didn't want friends... occasional acquaintances are ok, but friends are too much hard work.. they have expectations, and want to talk about 'real' things. YUK! Back then he thought I was shallow... . *chortle*
So whats changed?? .........Nothing. I still dont like people, I still don't want friends... and yet now I try soooo hard to impress people... by being someone I'm not.
1) There was the short term crush on the 50something year old that walked into work with geeky black framed glasses. *swoon*
2) There was the stunning buisnessman at the pub. *swoon*
3) Then there is the ongoing attempt to impress my trainer at the gym. If I go to the gym after work, i will actually sit in my office for 20 mins straightening my hair before I go... and make sure I smell of my favourite YvesSaintLauren perfume... and I practise my cute little expressions in the mirror before I go. ( on the slight possibility that he will be working at the time).
4) The 45 mins I spent parked on the side of the road, posing and taking photos of myself sitting in my car.. just to try to get one semi-decent photo!! Pulling so many faces.. and so many of my little 'cute expressions' .
5) Then, there was the $250 outfit I bought , just to impress a supplier (that I had never met) at a semi-social lunch meeting. Not because I wanted to try to win him over, but merely because I pretend to be so cool, when we chat on the phone, and needed to try to back that up! Im a jeans and hoodie kind of girl... not a black and white suit-like type ... and especially not a 'heels' kind of girl. And yet $200 on an outfit.. and $50 on a pair of freakin' heels! And to make matters worse.. I have a serious phobia of social situations.. that I forgot about .. untill ofcoarse he arrived, and opened his mouth! I was moody! I was indecisive! I couldn't sit, and I sure as hell could not make eye contact! *chortle* What a fuckin' tool!
6) And then there was today..... Another Gym story ! ..... this morning I got up early to get ready for the gym. I was in a good mood and made sure my hair was straightened and slightly rocky... yet still cute. ... I got to the gym and he was there. YAY!! So I pretend to be really into the whole exercise thing... whilst trying not to let him see me looking at him! *wink* But by the time I actually got to converse with him... I was sweaty, smelly, and looking like a skank!! To make matters worse.. I wore a white shirt... and because I dyed my hair on Thursday... Dye ran from my hair.. all over my shirt collar. So much for playing it cool!! I mocked him as I usually do.... whilst subtitly complimenting him also. YAY for his cheeky smile! And yay for him working again tomorrow. Though this time.. I'm detirmined to make an effort not to speak with him.. I have to pretend I dont think he is stunning!
Is there really anything more pathetic than I am ?!?!?
Driving home from the dinner party tonight I realised.. though I may be stressed , a little mental, and quite possibly shallow, as Cam suggested.... If I was not to wake tomorrow ... That is ok... because today I laughed, at myself none-the-less.. but I laughed.
And whether its selfish, self absorbed or just plain shallow.... I like the person I am .. and my weird weird pathetic nature... and hell ... if others can laugh at it... or find it adorable... well then all the better. One day I might be normal... and actually be able to back up my personality with a decent or mature look.... but for now.... I have to keep trying to win people over with my daggy little antics!!
Later.....
*pose*
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
24.09.08 FUCK YOU
God damn!! Stupid people !! They have managed to turn something I love so much into something I loath!! Master manipulators !!! I feel selfish for wanting more !!
And fuck gorgeous people too.... you all suck. Your confidence and happiness make me jealous and bitter...
And fuck gorgeous people too.... you all suck. Your confidence and happiness make me jealous and bitter...
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
23.09.08 The cows are different in Geelong!!
No Im not nuts... ( well yes I am.. ) But they honestly are different in Geelong.
They are darker... and bigger and have this whole cow complex about themselves. Its cool..... they know they are cows.. and they are quite confident about that. Its good to see a cow with a little self esteem.
A big shout out to Burger and Patty at Newtown.
They are darker... and bigger and have this whole cow complex about themselves. Its cool..... they know they are cows.. and they are quite confident about that. Its good to see a cow with a little self esteem.
A big shout out to Burger and Patty at Newtown.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
14.09.08 To my mentor
So I spoke to you this last week, you were chipper and almost like the old you. It was good to hear energy and life in your voice for the 30 minutes or so that we spoke. I miss you, and your bastadly sarcastic tongue in cheek critisism!! You are the best boss anyone could ask for! Sarcastic, Smart-arsed, cheeky and never wrong thats for sure.. It was always my fault... and I loved it. Even though you were having a good day.. the reality is harsh... It is merely a good day.. amongst many horrible days. You tell me you don't think you will make it to see Christmas... today I struggle to believe it... because you sound like the old you. I expect you will walk through the door any minute and tell me stories of your weekend just passed, Which of your daughters you decided to stir up this weekend... and how they were not talking to you anymore. You would pretend you didn't care and it was all their fault.. in that jokular manner you have.... but I knew you were emailing them as we chatted, just to apologise... and then stir them some more. You love it, and deep down.. so do they. I dont want you to think that I am not dealing with it.. so I hold it together on the phone, my replies vague, but honest. I am not going to tell you how if you just 'Stay positive' you can get through this... the next person who says that to me ... i will fucking snap their necks!!!!!!!! What is happening to you can't be changed... it can't be cured... yet I can't accept it either. I always try to end our convos in a positive light...we chuckle and say goodbye. I hang up the phone and hope like hell that there will be another chance to speak to you... then I loose it BIG TIME.. but I will never let you know that.
I have always had an incredible ability to repress, dismiss and deny any emotion I feel. Half of the time I dont even think I feel anything at all.... I can identify the emotion i *should* feel... but it is so far out of reach that it seems ridiculous. I am the most emotionally detached person i know. I am constantly told its not healthy and I need to deal with these feelings.... yet most of the time i can't even recognise that there are feelings... hense the whole psychologist visits a year or so ago. But you are different. I am not going to let myself dismiss and forget you to avoid the hurt.... and boy does it fucking hurt. I'm scared that If i go through my usual coping mechanisms I will forget you all together. It's too easy for me... For the first few months I did the whole dismiss and deny things.... and then when I decided that was stupid I tried to regain all that I had surpressed... but to no avail...... Unless of course there was vodka. ( and not the usual kind... but the Russian.. the good stuff) . And so now Vodka and I have signed the peace treaty, and we are now friends. It is one thing to have others ask me if *I* think that you will see Christmas... because I can see the good in their hearts..... but it is a whole different thing to hear *you* say that you don't think you will make it.
I spoke to you again this morning... I try to ignore what you told me last week.. pretend its not really fact.. ( again... dismiss and deny) but then I realise I have to come to terms with the possibility. But today its harder... your health is deteirierating so rapidly, that I don't have the time to allow my head to accept what we last spoke about, before things change again. We rant about the price of grapes, and how mangos are not yet in season. Fuckin' mangos... what right do they think they have .. honestly!! I can hear in your voice that you are unsre about telling me what you are about to tell me... but I know that you also want to tell me.. because you think that I can handle the reality... and because the masses ask about you daily...
Your whole life has changed again... and beyond any control. 6 weeks?? That is what you predict?? And that is all you feel you have left. I almost want to ask how you come to that conclusion... but you , and only you, can really summerise how you feel. Yes Doctors can confirm that this is quite probable... but I don't want to think thats its true.... What will I do when you are gone? I look forward to chatting to you so much.... I am a giggly little school girl when your name flashes on my cell... and I generally do a little 'YAY!!! The boy!!!' dance. 6 weeks... Not only is that not Christmas........ but its not even November. Not even close. One part of me wants to to tell you that I want it to be longer... much much longer... but the more realistic me wants it to be tomorrow... because I dont want to see you suffer anymore. Although you try to hide alot of it.... I know that you are suffering, and you can't justify it anymore. Have you given up the will to live?? Fuck no... I know you would do anything to have your old world back... and see your girls marry, and meet your grandchildren.... but in reality, you and I both know that its not possible, and I commend your bravery.
I still have not found a way to be able to show you how much you mean to me... And although my previous few blog entires would suggest I have a thing for older men.. which sure.. in some instances, may be true..... Its never been like that with you... you stepped in as the father figure when I needed a good smack around the head... you would tease, mock and tell me off when I did stupid things... that we both knew were out of character. But the biggest thing you did for me.. was take a chance on someone you barely knew and gave me a way out of both a physical and mental situation I was in, and gave me ambition and aspiration again. For that I will make sure i do everything I can to be as good as you, and at the very least as respected as you.
For your sake.. I hope the suffering ends soon.... but in my own selfish way.. I'm not ready for that.
Tomorrow, depending on how you feel, I will see you and pretend that none of these thoughts exist... we will banter like usual and I will leave with you none-the-wiser.
....................................................................................................
I have always had an incredible ability to repress, dismiss and deny any emotion I feel. Half of the time I dont even think I feel anything at all.... I can identify the emotion i *should* feel... but it is so far out of reach that it seems ridiculous. I am the most emotionally detached person i know. I am constantly told its not healthy and I need to deal with these feelings.... yet most of the time i can't even recognise that there are feelings... hense the whole psychologist visits a year or so ago. But you are different. I am not going to let myself dismiss and forget you to avoid the hurt.... and boy does it fucking hurt. I'm scared that If i go through my usual coping mechanisms I will forget you all together. It's too easy for me... For the first few months I did the whole dismiss and deny things.... and then when I decided that was stupid I tried to regain all that I had surpressed... but to no avail...... Unless of course there was vodka. ( and not the usual kind... but the Russian.. the good stuff) . And so now Vodka and I have signed the peace treaty, and we are now friends. It is one thing to have others ask me if *I* think that you will see Christmas... because I can see the good in their hearts..... but it is a whole different thing to hear *you* say that you don't think you will make it.
I spoke to you again this morning... I try to ignore what you told me last week.. pretend its not really fact.. ( again... dismiss and deny) but then I realise I have to come to terms with the possibility. But today its harder... your health is deteirierating so rapidly, that I don't have the time to allow my head to accept what we last spoke about, before things change again. We rant about the price of grapes, and how mangos are not yet in season. Fuckin' mangos... what right do they think they have .. honestly!! I can hear in your voice that you are unsre about telling me what you are about to tell me... but I know that you also want to tell me.. because you think that I can handle the reality... and because the masses ask about you daily...
Your whole life has changed again... and beyond any control. 6 weeks?? That is what you predict?? And that is all you feel you have left. I almost want to ask how you come to that conclusion... but you , and only you, can really summerise how you feel. Yes Doctors can confirm that this is quite probable... but I don't want to think thats its true.... What will I do when you are gone? I look forward to chatting to you so much.... I am a giggly little school girl when your name flashes on my cell... and I generally do a little 'YAY!!! The boy!!!' dance. 6 weeks... Not only is that not Christmas........ but its not even November. Not even close. One part of me wants to to tell you that I want it to be longer... much much longer... but the more realistic me wants it to be tomorrow... because I dont want to see you suffer anymore. Although you try to hide alot of it.... I know that you are suffering, and you can't justify it anymore. Have you given up the will to live?? Fuck no... I know you would do anything to have your old world back... and see your girls marry, and meet your grandchildren.... but in reality, you and I both know that its not possible, and I commend your bravery.
I still have not found a way to be able to show you how much you mean to me... And although my previous few blog entires would suggest I have a thing for older men.. which sure.. in some instances, may be true..... Its never been like that with you... you stepped in as the father figure when I needed a good smack around the head... you would tease, mock and tell me off when I did stupid things... that we both knew were out of character. But the biggest thing you did for me.. was take a chance on someone you barely knew and gave me a way out of both a physical and mental situation I was in, and gave me ambition and aspiration again. For that I will make sure i do everything I can to be as good as you, and at the very least as respected as you.
For your sake.. I hope the suffering ends soon.... but in my own selfish way.. I'm not ready for that.
Tomorrow, depending on how you feel, I will see you and pretend that none of these thoughts exist... we will banter like usual and I will leave with you none-the-wiser.
....................................................................................................
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
LAST WEEKS CRUSH! 090908
So my crush from last week has a name..... and apparently he is also extremely wealthy!!
No I'm not just interested in the money..... There is love.... Phht yeha right...
Love.... Mind Numbing, sould destroying, self destructive behaviour !!!
I'd rather slice my wrists!
No I'm not just interested in the money..... There is love.... Phht yeha right...
Love.... Mind Numbing, sould destroying, self destructive behaviour !!!
I'd rather slice my wrists!
Saturday, September 6, 2008
06.09.08 I LOVE ME!
Thank god to the end of another pharkin shitty week.... Everyone I know is miserable this week.. ( well I'm sure on a greater scale.. but this week, ever more visibly) . Whether because of Relationships, Illness, Anger and Dumbphark errors... we seem to be a little emotional. Anyone else noticed? For those who in some way , shape or form, witnessed the Thursday NutCase... Don't stress... the time has come now where we can all point and laugh..... (FINALLY...... Yet still worriedly)
I've had a particularly unproductive week, though I must admit it has been amusing and enjoyable... too much at stake for everyone... Misinterpretation from outsiders..... High Risk..... Effect......Very Harmful .......( And this is what we in the Purchasing game refer to as a risk analysis... *chortle* We are a highly methodical bunch. ) You're awesome and you know it... ( thats why its amusing) ... but highly unproductive. Come out one Friday, bring your girl... I'll whinge,bitch and belittle you all in one sitting... I dont want you to feel left out!...... = Formula for Time Effeciency. See , I got it sussed! You can even watch the marvel that is a $15 Drunk... Oh yes I kid you not... 1 Cointreau/Orange... 2 PortDock Ginger beer things and I still feel a little gross nearly 6 hours later. Now that is Rock and Roll!!! .............Enjoy the Cd... (or at least research one of the artists enough to pretend you liked it. ) And if you ever view this stupid blog thing.. you will find the following humourous.....
Refer: 04.09.08 RANT
QUOTE
"Some guy walks in for 2 mins and I want to blow my pharkin brains out!!"
UNQUOTE ...
This evening, my collegues and I went for a few drinks after work... and a small pub crawl... ( 2 pubs... but boy did I want to crawl home....) And as we arrived at the Second Pub.. "Port Dock"... which makes the best alcoholic ginger beer!!! ... all 4 gals scan the room for possible people of interest..... 3 of the 4 girls decide that the group of young trades men in the corner shows possible 'talent' .... Female 4.. ( not mentioning names) Sees a super Suave Gentleman drinking at the bar... in stunning business attire, clean shaven... poised, charismatic... and black framed geeky glasses..... Slightly younger than the previous .. ( though maybe not... was particularly shocked by the age of previously refered creature!) .... BUT MY GOD!!! WHO NEEDS A FREAKIN LIFE?!?!? Don't get it wrong... there is never a chance that she would even speak to these people, outside of what is required... but I find it rather amusing still... And who wouldnt. Hell , I think I could take this one to the Psychologist!!
So she glances a little as she waits for her drink... and promptly heads outside.....not returning again until the Gent had left.... ( merely for the fear of giving the poor guy a complex if he caught a twenty-something year old just amazed by all his majesty!! )
Ahh what a Pharkin tool she be!~
So I'm thinking Maybe a VIC favourite next week..... Its been a while since I had a random call from my previous punching bag... I might give him a shot. *wink*
Have a good weekend all.....
I've had a particularly unproductive week, though I must admit it has been amusing and enjoyable... too much at stake for everyone... Misinterpretation from outsiders..... High Risk..... Effect......Very Harmful .......( And this is what we in the Purchasing game refer to as a risk analysis... *chortle* We are a highly methodical bunch. ) You're awesome and you know it... ( thats why its amusing) ... but highly unproductive. Come out one Friday, bring your girl... I'll whinge,bitch and belittle you all in one sitting... I dont want you to feel left out!...... = Formula for Time Effeciency. See , I got it sussed! You can even watch the marvel that is a $15 Drunk... Oh yes I kid you not... 1 Cointreau/Orange... 2 PortDock Ginger beer things and I still feel a little gross nearly 6 hours later. Now that is Rock and Roll!!! .............Enjoy the Cd... (or at least research one of the artists enough to pretend you liked it. ) And if you ever view this stupid blog thing.. you will find the following humourous.....
Refer: 04.09.08 RANT
QUOTE
"Some guy walks in for 2 mins and I want to blow my pharkin brains out!!"
UNQUOTE ...
This evening, my collegues and I went for a few drinks after work... and a small pub crawl... ( 2 pubs... but boy did I want to crawl home....) And as we arrived at the Second Pub.. "Port Dock"... which makes the best alcoholic ginger beer!!! ... all 4 gals scan the room for possible people of interest..... 3 of the 4 girls decide that the group of young trades men in the corner shows possible 'talent' .... Female 4.. ( not mentioning names) Sees a super Suave Gentleman drinking at the bar... in stunning business attire, clean shaven... poised, charismatic... and black framed geeky glasses..... Slightly younger than the previous .. ( though maybe not... was particularly shocked by the age of previously refered creature!) .... BUT MY GOD!!! WHO NEEDS A FREAKIN LIFE?!?!? Don't get it wrong... there is never a chance that she would even speak to these people, outside of what is required... but I find it rather amusing still... And who wouldnt. Hell , I think I could take this one to the Psychologist!!
So she glances a little as she waits for her drink... and promptly heads outside.....not returning again until the Gent had left.... ( merely for the fear of giving the poor guy a complex if he caught a twenty-something year old just amazed by all his majesty!! )
Ahh what a Pharkin tool she be!~
So I'm thinking Maybe a VIC favourite next week..... Its been a while since I had a random call from my previous punching bag... I might give him a shot. *wink*
Have a good weekend all.....
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
03.09.08 10:41PM RANT
I hate it when people start a sentence or a 'blog' with a question.... The most random I heard recently was young Mel, who in the middle of a pub, turns to me and says "Don't you think that arses are ugly?" Seriously? You want me to answer that?? And Now?? Yes Mel, they are ugly... infact the majority of the human body is ugly... but I think the masses are learning exceptance... and those that do not.. live in caravans and collect cats.. and plastic bags.
Another Favourite I hear alot is ...
"Ever wondered why bad things happen to good people?"
No Dickhead!!! I wonder why bad things happen in general, I wonder why you are stupid, yet look like you do. I wonder why I am jealous of you fool! I wonder why people believe in the shit that they are told, like how 'just because you see something, it doesn't mean it necessarily exists' .... walk into that wall and try to defend your statement for pharks sake! If you want to be all 'mind challenging' make sure you reincarnate as a sudoku puzzle! Don't like Sudoku?? What's Sudoku? I think it's all in your mind.
I have spent so long hating people in general, that I am truely glad to be a 'Sociaphobe' (Thanks Mel, now even I refer to me as it) .. that is ofcoarse until I have to deal with people again. Drives me nuts... I do so well... and then all of a sudden... some guy enters for 2 mins and I want to blast my pharkin brains out !! Its wrong , oh so wrong.. and I wont give details... cos they are even more wrong... but god damn... don't throw me like that! I dont deal well with things I don't plan for... or dumb phark ups either..... I have to have control of the situation all the time...
It has to be some form of disorder... and I have to break things down to the smallest form...
Like a needle is not just a 2 second 'pin prick' .. its the visualisations that go with it... the thought of the point coming to contact with the skin, and as pressure heightens, the skin tears around the edge, and the needle continues to protude further into the body... releasing the contents... as it is forced into the body... and as the needle retracts, tiny little droplets of blood get stuck in between the skin layers.......... and you can almost hear it shouting out to its little blood brothers as it is separated like the 12 year old you , trying to listen through the wall of your brothers room , feeling left out of the party.
I propose a serious question to you ..... a real question, not a rhetorical question... I actually welcome your suggestions.... If one wants surgury... but can not take an anesthetic because one over thinks the process of needles, and can not allow ones self to be controlled by inhaled gases... hwo does one achieve this state of unconscienciousness ??
So isn't it time you bought me a drink?
Another Favourite I hear alot is ...
"Ever wondered why bad things happen to good people?"
No Dickhead!!! I wonder why bad things happen in general, I wonder why you are stupid, yet look like you do. I wonder why I am jealous of you fool! I wonder why people believe in the shit that they are told, like how 'just because you see something, it doesn't mean it necessarily exists' .... walk into that wall and try to defend your statement for pharks sake! If you want to be all 'mind challenging' make sure you reincarnate as a sudoku puzzle! Don't like Sudoku?? What's Sudoku? I think it's all in your mind.
I have spent so long hating people in general, that I am truely glad to be a 'Sociaphobe' (Thanks Mel, now even I refer to me as it) .. that is ofcoarse until I have to deal with people again. Drives me nuts... I do so well... and then all of a sudden... some guy enters for 2 mins and I want to blast my pharkin brains out !! Its wrong , oh so wrong.. and I wont give details... cos they are even more wrong... but god damn... don't throw me like that! I dont deal well with things I don't plan for... or dumb phark ups either..... I have to have control of the situation all the time...
It has to be some form of disorder... and I have to break things down to the smallest form...
Like a needle is not just a 2 second 'pin prick' .. its the visualisations that go with it... the thought of the point coming to contact with the skin, and as pressure heightens, the skin tears around the edge, and the needle continues to protude further into the body... releasing the contents... as it is forced into the body... and as the needle retracts, tiny little droplets of blood get stuck in between the skin layers.......... and you can almost hear it shouting out to its little blood brothers as it is separated like the 12 year old you , trying to listen through the wall of your brothers room , feeling left out of the party.
I propose a serious question to you ..... a real question, not a rhetorical question... I actually welcome your suggestions.... If one wants surgury... but can not take an anesthetic because one over thinks the process of needles, and can not allow ones self to be controlled by inhaled gases... hwo does one achieve this state of unconscienciousness ??
So isn't it time you bought me a drink?
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