27.09.08 Ahhh what a loser.

There really is nothing funnier than laughter!
Generally, if I tell a story, I will embellish a little on the finer details, to add a little comedy. ( I am told this is a 'hyperbole') . But there really is nothing funnier than telling a story, and realising you don't need to exagerate on the details, because the story itself is funny, even if by accident.
Tonight I went to a dinner party with a friend I havn't seen for a while... and also the Artist I manage. ( though.. I like to refer to him as my client... (again hyperbole!) so that it sounds more official) I havn't caught up with him for some time, due to a lack of time recently... and when telling him of my recent antics.. I realised just how pathetic I really am!!
Before he started dating his girlfriend, we used to be good mates and hang out alot. Tonight he reminded me how the last time we actually hung out I was saying how I dislike people... and didn't want friends... occasional acquaintances are ok, but friends are too much hard work.. they have expectations, and want to talk about 'real' things. YUK! Back then he thought I was shallow... . *chortle*
So whats changed?? .........Nothing. I still dont like people, I still don't want friends... and yet now I try soooo hard to impress people... by being someone I'm not.

1) There was the short term crush on the 50something year old that walked into work with geeky black framed glasses. *swoon*
2) There was the stunning buisnessman at the pub. *swoon*
3) Then there is the ongoing attempt to impress my trainer at the gym. If I go to the gym after work, i will actually sit in my office for 20 mins straightening my hair before I go... and make sure I smell of my favourite YvesSaintLauren perfume... and I practise my cute little expressions in the mirror before I go. ( on the slight possibility that he will be working at the time).
4) The 45 mins I spent parked on the side of the road, posing and taking photos of myself sitting in my car.. just to try to get one semi-decent photo!! Pulling so many faces.. and so many of my little 'cute expressions' .
5) Then, there was the $250 outfit I bought , just to impress a supplier (that I had never met) at a semi-social lunch meeting. Not because I wanted to try to win him over, but merely because I pretend to be so cool, when we chat on the phone, and needed to try to back that up! Im a jeans and hoodie kind of girl... not a black and white suit-like type ... and especially not a 'heels' kind of girl. And yet $200 on an outfit.. and $50 on a pair of freakin' heels! And to make matters worse.. I have a serious phobia of social situations.. that I forgot about .. untill ofcoarse he arrived, and opened his mouth! I was moody! I was indecisive! I couldn't sit, and I sure as hell could not make eye contact! *chortle* What a fuckin' tool!
6) And then there was today..... Another Gym story ! ..... this morning I got up early to get ready for the gym. I was in a good mood and made sure my hair was straightened and slightly rocky... yet still cute. ... I got to the gym and he was there. YAY!! So I pretend to be really into the whole exercise thing... whilst trying not to let him see me looking at him! *wink* But by the time I actually got to converse with him... I was sweaty, smelly, and looking like a skank!! To make matters worse.. I wore a white shirt... and because I dyed my hair on Thursday... Dye ran from my hair.. all over my shirt collar. So much for playing it cool!! I mocked him as I usually do.... whilst subtitly complimenting him also. YAY for his cheeky smile! And yay for him working again tomorrow. Though this time.. I'm detirmined to make an effort not to speak with him.. I have to pretend I dont think he is stunning!

Is there really anything more pathetic than I am ?!?!?

Driving home from the dinner party tonight I realised.. though I may be stressed , a little mental, and quite possibly shallow, as Cam suggested.... If I was not to wake tomorrow ... That is ok... because today I laughed, at myself none-the-less.. but I laughed.
And whether its selfish, self absorbed or just plain shallow.... I like the person I am .. and my weird weird pathetic nature... and hell ... if others can laugh at it... or find it adorable... well then all the better. One day I might be normal... and actually be able to back up my personality with a decent or mature look.... but for now.... I have to keep trying to win people over with my daggy little antics!!

Later.....
*pose*